"I want that friend. I want that dress. I want that appearance. I want that grade. I want that position. I want that acceptance. I want that happiness. I want that fulfillment. I want that life. That perfect, perfect life.
"But I don't have that.
"God, why don't I have that? Don't You love me? Don't You want me to have joy? Isn't that one of the fruits of the Spirit? It's what we get as Christians, right?"
Silence.
"I'm very unhappy, God. Where are You? I thought You were real. Get over here, Lord. What are You doing? I want Your joy."
"Follow me."
"Well, I know that, God. I am a Christian. That's kinda what the word implies. I'm already doing that. But I'm just really antsy trying to get that life You wanna give me."
"Follow me."
"Ok, this isn't funny. I am following You. But I need to feel filled up, You know? Of course You know. Why are You playing coy?"
"Follow me."
"Lord, I think we're getting disconnected because You just said the same thing three times after I told You that that's not what I need. I've already got that. But I need You to make me a little more perfect. Oh, and You know that prestigious title that that girl has? I think I'd be a better Christian with it. And please hear me and stop trying to tell me to follow You when I already am. I'm really just asking for that good life, You know."
Silence.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"
Matthew 16:24-26
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