What Are You Working For?

Yesterday wasn't the best day of my life. It was actually quite painful. And it really shouldn't have been that painful. It was just a mistake, and that's life.

But it doesn't feel like that.

It feels like I've failed. It feels like I've failed even after trying hard enough--even after trying more than hard enough. It's like there was a competition to throw something the farthest, and I had it all set up just right. Everything was accounted for--the angle, gravity, air resistance, etc. There was only one problem. The ceiling was too low. I had forgotten something so obvious. And that stings.

Now imagine that throwing situation blown up to something that has to do with your identity. Something that should've worked just because you're you. And that stings so much more.

You could say I felt distraught. You could say I shouldn't of felt that way. You'd be right. In a way, I almost felt that I had sinned although I obviously hadn't. It shouldn't even have mattered much. I knew that in my head, but my heart felt like God would be sad that I was so stupid. That I didn't perform well enough, and that I would never succeed. I had no reason to feel like this, but I did.

And I kept battling with this until I read something very special. I read that my relationship with God "isn't a performance-based relationship" and that "the pressure's off. God loves to watch me play. That is all" (Six Words You Should Hear Today by Rachel Held Evans). I always know it in my heart, but I don't always feel it like we all should. I had based my self worth, the love and value I should feel from God, on the "love" and "value" that comes from success. I was working for the love and value Jesus had already worked for. I had basically told God that it was cool that He could give me value and love beyond comprehension, but that I was gonna earn it myself anyway.

And that's totally not gonna happen.

You're not exactly God, and you can't give yourself all that you need. Despite common belief, we're actually not all that independent, and we're not really worth that independence. But here's the thing: God makes us worth so much more. We'll all still fail in so many ways, but by the blood of Jesus, God doesn't have to see those failures anymore. From the failures that are little mistakes to the heartbreaking sins we all commit, God sees past them. If we accept His love and agree to be His children, He sees us as His children that He will love unconditionally. Forever. No backsies. He loves you. He loves to watch you play and live a life full of His love.

Doesn't that just make your day?

P.S. This doesn't mean that you should stop working for God, but that you should stop trying to work to receive the love and value He has already given you. You should still live for God, but instead of doing it to gain love, you should do it because you've already gained that love. Then, the pressures off. You are loved.